You never realized that you had a temper until you became a parent.
Sure, people bothered you. You’d been in arguments, but even then you never truly lost your shit. Then you had children, and your dormant wild temper came bubbling to the surface.
Knowing that you’re always running on a short fuse means that you have to cut everyone around you some slack, yourself included. You can develop some coping skills to help you keep your shit together when it feels like you’re about to explode.
This is an integral part of parenting when your patience is running low, check myself: Have you eaten? Do you need to put your feet up for a few minutes? If you are tired, hungry, or generally stressed, those factors have nothing to do with your children, and you should take responsibility for fixing them.
Seeing Your People As Actual Human Beings
Acknowledging that your children have legitimate needs and concerns is essential. Sure, it may not make sense to you that your 4-year-old is melting down because you opened his dresser drawer, and he wanted to do it. But in his tiny brain, this really is a big deal. You have to remind yourself to take a step back and remember that he or she is not pitching a fit over the drawer just to be a mean. Your child is a person with original thoughts and ideas about how the world should work. It is your job to help him/her learn to operate in an appropriate fashion, and yelling, “Why can’t I open the drawer for you?!” like a raving lunatic will not help him/her learn those lessons. Duh, right? But still really hard to remember when you’re in the moment.
In this stage of your life, you many need to consider taking medication in order to be a calm parent. And that is OK, because parenting is hard and sometimes it’s better to be medicated than pissed off all the time. More responsibilities have been piled on to your life than ever before and you may need some extra support for a period of time.
Taking Breaks Is Vital. Do You Hear Me? VITAL.
It’s normal to have pangs of guilt from time to time, because you’re expecting yourself to be the kind of parent who loves being with your children all day, every day, from now until they all leave the nest. But few parents are that kind of person. This goes back to self-awareness; know my limits, and try not to exceed them. When your limits are met, find a way to take a break. When you ignore the signs, your temper comes roaring back.
Forgiving Yourself and Your Children
This is what can keep you from sinking into the depths of despair. When you screw up, you apologize. You can use your mistakes as evidence of your own flawed humanity, and hope that your children learn something from your honesty. Despite all parents imperfections you care and are doing them best you can with where you’re at.